Swirls of daytime love wrap me up and keep me warm
Returning home nestles me and reminds that I am safe
A throbbing heart threatens so that I feel I must seek
And it is in this seeking where I once felt I might get lost that I find a true center
And I set myself with determination in positive white light so that I can dodge the fear
And it isn’t a façade but a glowing truth that holds me steady
For this I am thankful
But clear that in every moment I am begging for strength.
Bricks of Truth (for Jenny)
I want to lay a foundation of loving kindness for the world to sit on
I want to clean the pallet, but also let the slate hold memories, so tried and true
I want for you (and us) to bask in the glow of the undying light of friendship and harmony
I want to do this with careful hands, wiping away and rewriting
I don’t want to forget the blood spill and the dread
I don’t want to forget the weeping and edge
I want to embrace it all to find a new thing
A thing that holds and pets
That puts big arms around regret
And welcomes the newness of the new unkown
I want fearlessness of things to come
The complete letting go and holding on
The revisiting and rewriting of that song
Penned in intent, living in wanting, alive in hope
And resting in safe, trusting loving arms
Charmer
I sit still, the hardest thing for me to do
But in this pen I find solace
The swirling has stopped as the dance was for naught
I spun in hope and wanting and belief
I disengaged so that I might engage
I engaged so that I might disengage
I painted in my head for a very long time
I set the colors to canvas bright and confident
I brushed my truth onto empty daring cloth
And to my eyes it was a magnificent vista of a place so precious
So filled with life and love
But I found the onlookers weren’t so charmed
They saw with fear darkness and cruelty gazing at the same images I created of peace and festival of the heart
My picture remains the same
Joy and gratitude and mountains and seas
No one can unfix my eyes
I find solace in the my pen
Give it Up
Maybe I should make out with the world.
Maybe I should stick my tongue in the mouth of anyone who desires a tongue
Maybe I should pour my heart out, hold it upside down until the very last drop is emptied to who ever needs my heart
Maybe I should stand naked in the middle of the road for the world to see
Maybe I should empty myself so well that I can fill up again with newness and light
But maybe, just maybe I should stand empty for a while and bask in the letting go
Maybe I should just dispense of the holding, dispense of the longing and be done
I like this, I have never craved emptiness, but I crave it now
Oh how I crave it now
A Different Pitch
I want to be anchored but a force beyond my control pulls me to the surface of the sea
I feel if I breathe out long enough I might be able sink and wrap legs around you
I conjure images of heavy things, bags of sand, concentrated thought
And still I am backward flying away from you, you firmly planted between the coral
I wonder what happens if I let go and allow my body to follow where my spirit is so clearly trying to take me
I am curious, shouldn’t my fear be of the anchor sunken into the hard cold bottom that I call the floor of my favorite home
And not the billowing surface of the swells
I feel so lost in this place and don’t trust my own inclinations
The only clarity that I have is that what once was doesn’t work anymore
I think I have to let go
Again
Moist
I awoke as I do everyday, stunned by the light
So happy in the color
So peaceful in my cloud
And then I remembered
This is the last day I will love you
This is the last day I will dream of large man hands encompassing my over spilling breasts and heart
This is the last day I will love you
It seems you should be here for this
These last moments
So badly I want to run to you
So badly I want a taste of you
I want those hands
But instead I sit here in the light
Basking in the space of my desire
And letting you go.
heddajean 